how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
kristin has been a bad kristin
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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