you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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