I'm going to jail i love you
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
