theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
