Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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