You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
