I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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