ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
