He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
