i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
