I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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