she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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