Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
