I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
