i was born a porn star she said
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
