I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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