I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
