Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
