Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
