What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need a beard to bite.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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