He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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