youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
