he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I party with great urgency now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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