Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
