don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
