Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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