Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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