I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
