# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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