I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
