Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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