He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
