Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
