worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
