If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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