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I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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