When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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