The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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