There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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