No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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