After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
