wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
