I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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