I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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