I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
