you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
