I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
