Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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