R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
