I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want her autograph on my taint
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
