im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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