is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
