What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
