i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
