I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All the doctor said was why
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
