Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
