im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
