Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
