I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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