So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
